What’s in a name? Everything…

The seed for this rant was sown when a friend exclaimed a few hours ago that some “MI” had secured victory, presumably in a sporting contest, considering that I knew of no other kind of conquest currently in progress that would interest her. Although I was kinda-sorta aware of what the generic-sounding abbreviation stood for, I feigned ignorance, enquiring whether she had suddenly sprouted an interest in the fortunes of old Hollywood movie franchises, or, even quainter, the state that is home to the Detroit 3 (err, 2.5… or 2? or 1?), and was promptly subjected to fake annoyance… but, I digress…

Well, the MI in question were the “Mumbai Indians” – a crack team of cricketers plying their trade in the BCCI’s Twenty20 Indian Premier League (read ACME Insta-Cricket for Dummies). Another product cast in the mould of McDonald’s and Coca-Cola so today’s humans may spend longer complaining that they have no time to do their usual dose of nothing. While researching this phenomenon for the sake of this post, I’ve come to learn that the second season of the competition was moved to South Africa because the government in India refused to provide the services of the country’s military forces to protect the players. This was only because of the nation going to polls around the same time. And the organizers of the cricket thingamajig made the government out to be the devil-incarnate for doing so. So, now, it’s less important to ensure the safety of the morons who lap up the “entertainment” you concoct and beam into their brains than protect a bunch of overpaid, tantrum-throwing schoolboys, err, men, who never grew up, so that they and their rich friends may pillage the fans in comfort? Get real…

Anyway, moving on to what really bothered me at the time…

Mumbai Indians… really??!! Mumbai INDIANS??!! Right, that would be necessary to state if there was another team from Mumbai comprised of, say, Mexicans, or, slightly more likely, Penguins, also playing in the same league. However, there’s neither of those, or any other team from Mumbai, for that matter. Also, does that mean the Mumbai Indians isn’t home to players who aren’t Indian? I think not… If you must be stupid and ape leagues that have a World Series contested by teams from a couple of countries, by all means, go ahead, but be smart about it and show some class. I’m sure the San Jose Earthquakes, Detroit Pistons, and Chicago White Sox, for example, gained their names for a reason.

But, I won’t bother defending the Washington Wizards, San Jose Sharks, Utah Jazz, and so on… those fall under the same category as the titles of teams in the IPL , which are just as ridiculous… Royal Challengers Bangalore – effectively, walking, talking advertising boards for their owner’s real purpose of existence – his liquor empire; Deccan Chargers – Deccan, not because they’re proudly representing the entire southern half of India beyond the Vindhyas, but because they’re owned by the same folks who publish the Deccan Chronicle, but that’s pardonable – however, Chargers – what does that make them? an uninspiring resurrection of a legendary Dodge nameplate? alternatives to alternators? steeds for knights in a medieval jousting contest?; Chennai Super Kings – first, it’s a tall enough claim to be calling oneself a king and then toiling away on a cricket pitch to feed and clothe oneself, but Super King? what’s that? your ego not inflated enough?; this one’s awesome… Delhi Daredevils… haha… how about playing the entire game with a flaming ball and a bat filled with petrol – and surrounded by man-eating tigers instead of an audience? No? Well, it was worth a shot; Kings XI Punjab – first we want to be kings, like them Chennai folk, and then we just want to mention as an aside that we know how to use Roman numerals, and might have something to do with Punjab (which we really don’t, but we like to say it anyway); Kolkata Knight Riders – we want to be cool… ’80s cool… with red lights flashing across our foreheads when we speak with our totally radical synthesized voices; and finally, the Rajasthan Royals – another bunch who simply don’t get that there’s nothing regal about being in a team with a lame name.

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